While Larry & I were shopping at The Evil Retail Empire Walmart yesterday, I mentioned an article I’d read that stated  the toilet paper most Americans use in a year is worse for the environment than driving a Hummer.   Americans are toilet paper hogs, y’all: we use like 3 times as much TP as our European and Asian brethren.    Do we use the loo more often?  Sport dryer tushies?  I dunno.  Plus, we insist on planet-polluting, soft, fluffy stuff.  Not cool.   The article  listed the eco-friendly brands (the only one of which I recalled was Trader Joe’s) and the planet-ravaging brands (the only one of which I remembered was my fave, Charmin).  And toilet paper was on our shopping  list.  Because dry tushies are a priority around here.

Well, all Larry had to hear was “…worse than driving a Hummer”.  If there’s one thing that gets his liberal heart a-bleeding, it’s seeing a big honkin’ Hummer (ALWAYS with only one person inside–what’s up with that?) driving along the street or taking up two parking places.  He reasoned that if  the fluffy, foo-foo stuff was a no-no, then HIS fave, Scott’s, should be the solution.  (Some of you may recall Larry’s Scott Toilet Paper Philosophy: “When you use Scott’s, you KNOW you’ve been wiped”).  So into the cart goes a king-sized pack of  Scotts.

When we got home, I checked the article.  Damned if Scott’s isn’t  just as bad as my Charmin!  So I figure that third-world toilet paper is the way the environmentalists want us to go.  But if scratchy-butt Scott’s is too decadent, the other stuff must leave splinters.  This ecology stuff hurts.

Tags: blah blah, BS, Environment, Humor | Category Uncategorized